This is where it starts getting interesting...

Hmmm... a few days ago I was alerted to pack up and get ready to move out immediately. Yesterday, I was told to stand down - they are sending another person Forward instead (actually, they are sending a whole bunch of people forward, but that is immaterial...). Looks like I am going to be here for the duration. The good news is that "here" is safer (and slightly more comfortable). The bad news: the job Forward was really excellent (a chance to really do meaningful, good stuff). Oh well. Not today. I will suck it up, and drive on.

Ushiku, FORWARD!

Well, it has happened. This evening I received word that I will be sent Forward, further up into Theater. It looks like the serious Sandbox for me! And it looks like I will be doing the stuff that I was originally sent here to do. I really can't go into any specifics of where, or what, or even who (oooo... mysterious...), but be rest assured that your pal, Ushiku, is doing good things, and will continue to do the best he can (as a very small fish, in a very big pond) . More info, as I find out.

Robert M & Dirty Rush - Free

What the hell? For reasons that totally defy explanation we get a Polish music channel here. And after countless permutations I have become hooked on, what I assume to be, a Polish techno artist named Robert M. Wow. Somebody please tell me that they've heard of this guy (He's big outside of Eastern Europe, right? Somebody?). Evidently techno is still big in the former Eastern Bloc countries and Brazil. Groovy. Good lord, I have been here too long - and the funny thing is that everybody else here totally gets it - they understand the whole weird music dynamic - and they are all along for the ride. Drovitz.

Feeling the Love

Wow. Somewhere last week I hit the mental wall - just too tired and worn out. Too many hours, too much stress, and a lot of heat (brought on by BOB and the Command). Just a bad combination. Found myself one morning in the back of the Breadtruck rumbling off to work, and I couldn't speak, or move, or really think. Usually I am the morning person (much to the extreme annoyance of pretty much everyone in our shop), but at that point I was just useless. We got to work, and we started doing our thing and it was just on automatic. Today I am good. Compared to people Forward, we don't have it nearly as bad - I know that, and appreciate not having people dropping stuff on my head. Which brings us to our next subject: going Forward. Since I arrived here it has been a possibility that I could get pushed further up into Theater. I have accepted that, and in fact, on some level, I welcome the opportunity. Well, a few weeks ago I was tasked with driving a SF guy to catch a flight. We talked, he liked me, and said that if he ever needed someone to do whatever it is that we do, he might have a spot for me. Well, that SF guy called back and requested me, by name (which, in our community, is crazy-go-nuts special - especially when it concerns a nobody like me). That set off a huge explosion (figuratively), and my chain of command was wondering what-the-**** (my big boss had no problem - in fact he was impressed, but our middle boss is ticked-off, because he thinks that I somehow went off the reservation, and began, in his words, "Prospecting" - whatever that means...). Now I am in some sort of limbo - apparently, either I will actully get pushed Forward to The Stan, or, I will languish here until my time is up. I guess that was what was the catalyst that depressed me. One of my coping mechanisms is that I don't allow myself to think about the next day (never mind next week!). Each day blends into the next with really no change, and it is always a perpetual Monday - or, as we call it, Daily Vanilla. But a few days back I realized that I have been here doing this job for over two months, and that I was almost in the middle of this deployment - and instead of seeing my cup as half-full, I was just noticing that I was at the bottom of the cup, and that rim was so waaaay up there (how the hell was I supposed to clamber out of this cup?)... um, yeah, well, you kinda-sorta get the gist, right? Anyhow, right now, I would like to go Forward - if anything, to break this cycle, but also, because I could actually do something that would really matter, and maybe, in my small-person way, help to prosecute this war, and maybe even contribute to ending it (yeah, right - like that is going to happen - but that is how I feel, so let me go with it). Right now, I will continue to do the job, and that will have to suffice.